This chapter was different than every other chapter in the
book. Why? I wrote it mere days ago. I had finished Hi, I’m Lance
probably about the time Extracurricular was finishing being posted. The
chapter-by-chapter posting always allows an author to go back and refine a
chapter before making it available. I’ve enjoyed doing that. The two previous
chapters had a couple of extra pages added but writing an entirely new chapter for
this book was kind of a thrill. Hi, I’m Lance has been my favorite work
for a while (that has since changed, but it still holds a deep place in my
heart).
Click here to read Hi, I’m Lance, Meeting No. 119
[Chap. 32].
The reason I felt I needed a new chapter was because the
previous one took place in August, and the next one is in October. This seemed
too large of a gap. As I get closer to finishing the book, there were loose
ends that I felt could use some more print.
Randall’s situation is coming along. We first met him in
Meeting No. 7 [Chap. 4] with that debate trip. After writing how he was progressing with his first gay relationship, it almost made me want to flesh that
story out. (Who knows, maybe there will be a Book Ten someday. Ha.) But I was
pleased to be able to bring that subplot a little closer to full circle.
I can’t really do that with Evan. As much as I would enjoy
giving him his own story, he’s straight. That’s not my wheelhouse. But at least
he is dating again. He continues to look at Lance and Jakob as role models. He
sees that love and knows that’s what he wants.
Telling Jakob’s family the news of the wedding was what
really prompted me to insert this new chapter. There was enough raw emotion
there that it seemed like it needed to take place. I adore Jakob. As much as
his life is full of love now, I don’t want to lose sight of what he had to go
through and how far he has come. When he was upset in the car following the
visit, I think Lance’s observation is something he really needed to take to
heart. He has come so far. Of course, there are only two chapters left in this
book, but we are far from being done with The Morgans.
I can't wait to see how you make Lance and Jakob's wedding different than Mike and Trent's. I love these gentlemen.
ReplyDeleteThe real question is if Jakob's dad will show.
All sorts of emotions in this chapter! Lance is wonderful dealing with Jakob's insecurities when they surface. I really hope that Jakob's father and brother show up at the wedding.
ReplyDelete"Something happened at work," eh? Ooh, a cliffhanger! Looking forward to what comes next!
ReplyDeleteAs always, Timothy, it's interesting after reading a chapter to get your behind-the-scenes glimpses. One point you note was your wish to track Randall's situation, and one thing I particularly responded to most in the chapter was the phone conversation, as Randall attempted to describe to Lance coming to grips with the deeply entrenched problem it took me a long, painful time to learn is both well-known and well-named: internalized homophobia. It still maintains its grip after we've accepted that we have those male-sex desires, and even when we may think we've accepted that they're "natural" and not "wrong" or -- more subtle -- "second best" to hetero desires. For a lot of us, anyway, it still feels shameful, something that has to be kept secret, because society has done such an effective job of planting the judgment machine inside us. One of the most obvious ways it shows is in the dread of people we know -- heck, strangers as well -- "knowing" our terrible secret.
I know it helped me when I understood that I was doing it to myself, that the judgment that was making me feel somehow compromised or just plain defective wasn't the judging coming from other people (although goodness knows there may be plenty of that!) but the judging coming from inside me.
Randall isn't quite there yet, but he's made significant strides, and I appreciated that the struggle is still fresh enough for him that he (well, the author really, of course!) can provide such a pointed reminder of what that struggle feels like.
Great story but the ending does not bode well. Cannot wait for next chapter.
ReplyDelete