Feelings

After so many posts, there would have indeed been a simplicty to titling them "Chapter 1, Chapter 2, etc." Perhaps with Book 4 I can take that easy way out. However, there are certain feelings to this recent chapter posted that I can discuss how they hit me.

Read Hi, I'm Lance Meeting 25 [Chap. 15] here.

If you haven't noticed, meetings are beginning to take jumps. The first ones would just be one after the other. For the book to make certain strides, I really couldn't do a chapter for every single meeting and still progress the plot through time. The last chapter was Meeting 22. This is Meeting 25.

Which brings up a mistake but also gives me an excuse.

After Lance's and Ophelia's "date," I was contemplating adding a few paragraphs of Ophelia talking with Jakob, thanking him for "sharing" Lance for an evening. That whole situation had its own awkward edge, and I thought having those two talk it out with Jakob regretting putting Lance on the spot but circling it back to expressing friendship to Ophelia, there were some feeling there to explore. Jakob would have had to share that personal conversation to Lance at some point for us as readers to find out what was discussed. It could have worked. Alas, I submitted the chapter to post before I made those changes and ... well, crap. HOWEVER, we can still insinuate that happened after Meeting 23 or 24, right? That's the excuse I'm taking here.

But this chapter still had some feelings that reached me. For instance, if you stop and think what it must have been like to move into a place on his own. Never in his life had he been able to do that. Once kicked out of his family's home as a teenager, he drifted from one place to another, owning very little. The sheer enormity of that situation, even if just for ten weeks, should be overwhelming in its own way. In Hi, I'm Lance, we can never really see into Jakob's thoughts, only Lance's, but I think we can all picture it. Making love in that special moment had to make the feelings of that night even more meaningful.

Mike and Trent's appearances in this book are heartwarming too. This circle of friendship is growing, and that's something that means a lot to me. My friends are my world, so ... on a personal level, I find this touching.

And then there's the phone call with Randall. Clearly, there's a lot of emotional baggage between the two of them. Lance had flashbacks in previous chapters of his first male sexual experiences. A simple phone call to Randall now rears its head ... but to what result?? Readers, stay tuned on that one.

If you don't remember the debate trip...

Read Meeting No. 7 [Chap. 4] here.

I hope you are enjoying reading the evolution of these characters as much as I did writing them.

The Wedding

I seem to be in similar spots with each post as of late. A lot happens with this chapter, so what do I title this post? Most authors would just title the chapter number. (But what fun is that?) So ... The Move In? Coming Out Day? Radio Caller? There are many parts to this chapter I love. I chose The Wedding because so many things hinged on that — Mike's feelings, perhaps his bravery, the conversation between Trent and his father ... and eventually a move.

Read If It Weren't For the Two of Us, Chapter 38 here.

It's interesting that Trent is the much younger man in this book, but Mike probably has more insecurities than he does. There are times Mike seems very experienced and mature, and other times overly cautious. The scene in the faculty meeting is probably the biggest step he has made in all three books.

Among my readers, does anyone have a Coming Out Day experience?

Even in Hi, I'm Lance, we don't know Jakob's true thoughts. We only know Lance's. In the next chapter of that book, we'll learn some more of Jakob's move. I find it interesting that Trent doesn't know Teresa and wonders if the possibility is there after she calls into the station. (Here's a tease. The two meet fairly soon — and not how you will expect.) When writing that scene, I liked that the caller was Jakob's sister.

Finally, Trent and his father ... can it be fixed? There is more to play out here.

Overall, I hope readers felt this was an enjoyable chapter. Comment below.

WTF?

A new chapter of Hi, I'm Lance is sure to prompt a lot of reactions.

Read Hi, I'm Lance Meeting 22 [Chap. 14] here.

Every now and then, something unpredictable happens — to the reader that is. In this chapter, "Holy smokes!" or "What the fuck?" or "What was Jakob — and Lance — thinking?" are bound to come to mind.

There is a lot to unpack in this chapter. I'm pondering which of the two — the passage with Ophelia or the conversation with Lance and Jakob the day following — will garner the most response. If you didn't like part of this chapter, I hope you allow me the author's freedom to explore the unexpected. I've come to view this circle of AA friends to be very close-knit, and in that regard, I like how they look out for each other. You may have all sorts of different opinions — and I want to hear them — but wacky as this all is, it moves our characters forward.

"The sex" or "the talk" are the key elements, but the ending to this chapter is also leading to a new big step.

Trent and Jakob

Lance's story has taken precidence in the last few weeks. Slowly, If It Weren't For the Two of Us and Hi, I'm Lance are starting to line up a bit more evenly if not exactly.

What I like about this chapter is the crossover of Jakob into Trent's book.

Read If It Weren't For the Two of Us, Chapter 37 here.

When I started this type of writing a long time ago, Mike and Trent were the main leads. I'm not sure who I identified with more. I could relate to both of them as the story developed. From the "older" standpoint, I'm sure I was more like Mike. However, Trent had more growing to do, so he was probably a more enjoyable character to write.

Then came Lance. The decision to do a second book was a leap. Extracurricular was just a fun flirtation, particularly during the pandemic. But as If It Weren't For the Two of Us developed, I found digging into Lance's persona was intriguing. I learned to care for this messed up character and knew his own book could be rewarding. I often wondered if script writers for television series felt the same for the characters they developed. At least in those cases, they see actors portray what they have put on the page. For you and I, we are left with our imaginations. There is something special about Lance's story.

Enter Jakob. I wasn't sure where to take Lance through his recovery, but I did want him to find someone. The sexual tension between Trent and Lance could only go so far without it being rehashed. I could have made an ongoing triangle between Mike, Trent and Lance, but that didn't interest me. I was more interested in creating love stories more than I was Dynasty. Jakob grew on me in no time. His vulnerability made him someone I wanted to eagerly develop. He was easy to love.

Realistically though, new relationships don't always go easy when sandwiched into friendships. Someone is going to feel pushed out. That's why this chapter is very satisfying to me. It touches my heart. It's not like all my characters in Jackson Bend aren't contending with some obstacle or another — they are — but being on a journey together helps. Jakob deserves this.

How do you feel?

Love

There were a few topics in this chapter. I wasn't sure what to pick as the subject of this post. Tyler? Tariq? The conversation of Lance admitting he was in love made me decide upon that.

Read Meeting No. 20 [Chap. 13] here.

I'm not sure if readers would pick up on it, but the last chapter was Meeting No. 15. This one was Meeting No. 20. Going forward, be sure to note the meeting and date to be cognizant of the time frame.

Although this chapter was not as sexually charged as the previous one, there were several things to unpack. I loved reuniting with Tariq. It seems like ages since Trent and Lance were in college. References to the basketball team are fun every now and then.

Tyler is someone new that will play a more critical role. Keep an eye on him, although his story at the moment is a sad one. I fear there are way too many cases such as his in the world, and that breaks my heart.

The main takeaway though is the conversations about love. Growing up, television shows didn't have the abundance of sex on television that is there today (albeit mostly heterosexual). Telling someone you loved them was a big deal, but sex came after that, if at all. On TV shows today, people hop into bed after one drink or looking at someone at a staff meeting. Titillating as that is, I find it sad that people don't develop real feelings for each other. That is why my very first chapter (in Extracurricular) is my most disappointing chapter I've written. Mike and Trent just jumped in, and now it seems so hollow to me (even though I love them as a couple). I've loved developing the relationship between Lance and Jakob. It is significantly more rewarding. I think most of my readers have taken a shining to the two of them.

The Fuck

Okay. Indulge me. I wanted to call this post "The Fuck," but deep down I knew that was too crass. "Lance Does It" or "It Finally Happens" or whatever just wasn't selling it to me. Those sounded too "pep talk" or After School Special to me. Sooo... here we are. Hopefully no one who reads my material will be too offended with this blog post.

This chapter means a lot to me.

Read Meeting No. 15 [Chap. 12] here.

Yes, Jakob and Lance take a huge step. But aside from that, I like the moments of tenderness and humor and love in this passage. I found writing this piece rewarding. It was a slow buildup to what Lance sees as a big event, but if anything solidifies this relationship, the events of this chapter do so. 

The question is ... can the AA warnings rear their ugly heads in this relationship. The two seem to be good for each other, but they haven't faced many obstacles as a couple. My favorite part to these two is that they shouldn't belong together, but the commonality between the two of them overshadows the major differences in their background.

And while we are being blunt here ... and again, indulge me ... erotic fiction, porn and the general gay mindset is that everyone loves fucking. I'm confident there are several among us out there that feel it just isn't "their thing." It's not necessarily magical. Not at first, for sure. Some gay couples take to it, others enjoy intimacy in various other ways. No one really talks about this — certainly not in porn circles or fictional writing. In those realms, fucking is the be all end all that takes place just before the cum shot. Part of me regrets bringing this into their relationship, but as characters, I feel this is where they are. And for Jakob, this was important for him to feel it in a loving way.

As my blog heading goes, I'm writing love stories for gay men. I have no desire to make everything all rainbows and unicorns. I want developed characters. I want plots that are engaging. If sex is the only subject of the book (as much fun as it can be to read and/or write), the text doesn't ring true, in my opinion.

I'm sure there are thoughts of all kinds on this chapter. Comment if you like to share.

Birthday Crossover

Ever since Hi, I'm Lance (book three) splintered off from If It Weren't For the Two of Us (book two), the stories of Trent and Lance have progressed alongside each other. Lance's birthday dinner is one of the first times for the same event to appear in both books.

If you read the recent posting of Chapter 36 of If It Weren't For the Two of Us, you'll recall Mike and Trent come over and meet Jakob for the first time.

Read Chapter 36 here.

Now, with the next chapter of Hi, I'm Lance posted, you can read the same event but through Lance's eyes.

Read Meeting 14 [chap. 11] here.

Before these two books end, the same situation will happen a few more times. For those of you reading them simultaneously, I feel it works out best. I do wonder, however, for anyone who might pick these books up at a later date and read them on their own, will the "book jumping" be just too weird. Perhaps if they get to the third book, they will think: "Oh yeah, I remember this." I suppose it works like a flashback of sorts. It is what it is.

Even though all the characters are in this chapter, I really like it seen from Lance's perspective. He has so much to internalize here: relationships, friendships, families — there's a lot to process. I also like that all the main characters have now met each other.